Here is the same thought expressed in 'free verse' and two different ways. I would appreciate your thoughts on which is clearer, which is more appealing to you, and any comments on either.
THE
SACRAMENT
and
PRETENDING
In
Gethsemane and on the cross
He
pretended He was me.
In
my daily life and when taking the sacrament
He
asks me to pretend I am Him.
Dann
J. Flesher
6/4/2017
PRETENDING
In
Gethsemane and
On
the cross
He
pretended
That He was me.
That He was me.
In
my daily life, or
When
I pray to our Father, or
When
I take the sacrament,
He
asks me,
For that moment,
To
pretend
That
I am Him.
Dann
J. Flesher
6/5/2017
I like this. I think it represents the LDS view of the Atonement really well while adding nuanced insight. Both versions are good.. the first has the feel of a "quote," pithy and easily consumed, and fits well into a Twitter-type medium and mindset. The second is more suited to a thoughtful, poetic, ponderous medium. Like a publication.
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